by James Walsh
How divorce affects you individually depends on the type of divorce – who was at the receiving end. In short, the nature of divorce decides your changed situation – whether you were the petitioner or the respondent. Social psychologists argue that the effects of divorce are subjective reliant solely on individual perception.
If you consider the divorce to be a bad act – then you see the changed new post-divorce situation as stressful. Your feelings of negativity rub off on your children. Thus, in such cases, post-divorce is a sorry situation. However, the situation changes drastically if you are the petitioner. You want the divorce and thus getting the divorce is a positive act for you. In this case, the effects of divorce are viewed as liberating and joyous. Social psychologists including marital counsellors state that the effects of divorce are far-reaching and diverse. They can be positive such as propelling the individual to seek her or his own identity. In other cases, it can be negative such as behavioural disorder issues of maladjustment, panic disorders and anti-social patterns. These effects are felt on both parents and children. The effect on children depends on the way the divorce effect is handled by the parent. Thus, parents shape the behaviour and adjustment level of children post-divorce.
Lifestyle Changes: The disintegration of the family unit simply means that where there were two adults handling family finances and issues, now there is just one. This means a scaling down of the lifestyle – what was previously followed has to change. Usually, post-divorce period witnesses a change in residence and financial status. Purse strings have to be tightened – expenditures have to be controlled. Children have to adjust – schools have to be changed – hobby classes have to be sacrificed. But this lifestyle change boils down to the type of divorce – contested or uncontested. Social psychologists argue that exes try to maintain the previous lifestyle after an uncontested divorce. But in more than 89% of contested divorces, this is seldom the case. Acrimonious relations rule the behaviour pattern. Even if the ex stays in the matrimonial home – locks are changed and a new system of schedule is put in place. Lifestyle changes also include personal grooming changes – changing your wardrobe – changing your way of behaving in a social situation.
Behaviour Patterns: Divorce affects the behaviour of the families concerned. The hardest hit are the partners themselves. They lose their self-confidence and ability to bounce back into the midst of things. Divorce simply cripples them. But, for those who wanted the divorce – post-divorce sees a resurgence of the carefree free spirit in them. They are ready to move on embracing life alone. They usually change their job – change their entire social support network. They make new friends and pursue new or childhood hobbies and passions of biking, painting or reading. Social psychologists argue that the first few days of post-divorce are extremely important – they decide whether the individual takes to sublimation or decides to project all negative feelings outward. Sublimation is actually an introspective, reflective way of dealing with the aftermath of divorce. It allows individuals to avoid the blame game turning their feelings into a creative outlet of painting, writing, reading, sculpting or sewing. When these individuals turn their emotional baggage into a creative activity, a form of inward therapy is born. These people are able to handle their feelings by writing, painting or even sculpting their inner feelings. This sublimation washes away all negativity making them stronger to face life alone on their own terms. On the other hand, children and type 1 personality individuals project their negative feelings outward. They indulge in the blame game and want to hurt other people as they have been hurt. They feel that society, in general, owes them something. And when society does not give them peace and happiness post-divorce, they become behavioural projectors. These people indulge in behaviours of mutilation of self or physical torture of others. In young divorce victims i.e., children, projection takes on the form of regressive anti-social behaviour – bullying, bed-wetting and tantrum-throwing. Such behaviour gives rise to panic disorders, schizophrenic disorders, psychological sexual disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorders. Such behaviour disorders reflect the inability to accept reality and move ahead with life. Divorcers go through a series of emotions – right from euphoria to relief to adornment and loneliness. The depth and magnitude of these emotions depend on the personality and perception of the individual. A single father or mother can view the situation in a positive light – bring up children on their own terms without having to compromise, or, they can wallow in self-pity and misery destroying the very bond that exists between them and the child. A child is left vulnerable after divorce and it is up to the parent to plug all gaps and be the responsible, caring disciplinarian and parent. The child is going to take his or her cues from the parent and act accordingly.
Article source: ArticlePros.com
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About the author James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on getting a Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com http://www.quickie-divorce.com
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